The Host (2013)

The time has arrived.

Yep, that’s a Diet Coke cap. I fell asleep while watching it and missed about half an hour, woke up and what I saw then was so f–king ridiculous that I didn’t bother to go back where I’d dozed off at. The crazy part? I literally didn’t miss anything. I had no problems with watching on.

The concept is suprisingly unique, but the story is so lame that it doesn’t give anything The characters are bland and the events are stupid. I have no respect for it. The actors try to do something, but they’re uninspired and the visual effects, which are beautiful, are a waste on The Host.

I know this face. I wore this face for the 95 minutes I spent watching this film.

The quotes were cheesy, the final sentence was lame, but the ending credits were actually pretty awesome, with beautiful images of galaxy, Radioactive blasting loud and a gorgeous typeface. That’s the problem with this film: for every good thing, there are five awful ones. I wanted to know the story without having to read another book of Meyer’s, because I really have a problem with her bland style of writing. And I was intrigued: would they turn a book she wrote into a good film? And I got my answer: no, and that’s where I’ll leave that, and I’ll say that I enjoyed the Twilight films more — they were (often unintentionally) hilarious and eh, I had someone to show my displeasure to because I had a buddy with whom we watched all these movies.

But what bothered me most about this pile of steaming crap? The idea was a lot better than the execution — the screenplay. The visuals were much better than The Host deserved. Diane Kruger’s crying belonged into a better f–king film. If you haven’t seen it, great. Don’t watch it. The stupidity might piss you off.

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19 responses to “The Host (2013)

  1. Gosh, I remember seeing this movie last year and wondering just what the hell I was thinking. Such a bore and an even bigger waste of talent. Good review.

  2. Sounds pretty sucky….

  3. Poor Saolrse Ronan, she is starring in some awful movies lately, i haven’t see Budapest Hotel yet but I heard it broke that streak.

    • She wasn’t anything special in this one, but I’m thinking it wasn’t all too possible to actually be great in that pile of crap. I don’t recall having seen her earlier, but I do hope she’s got other tricks in her pocket.

  4. Working in a bookshop during the huge Stephenie Meyer craze has scarred me for life. I watched the Twilight films because (as you said) they were so unintentionally hilarious, but I’ve avoided this because it reminds me of millions of 12 year old girls in the shop screaming, “Do you have THE HOST?!?!”. So I don’t blame you for falling asleep! If anything, the sleep you got is probably more beneficial than the 30 minutes you missed.

    • Oh my god, I’m so sorry for that. My friend, who hates Twilight like all normal people do (I’m not sure if I’m being sarcastic here or not…), said that this book is actually pretty good. Maybe that can give you a tiny bit of comfort. 😀

  5. A movie that’s literally a snoozer haha. I find it’s funny that Meyer thinks people hated this movie only because they wanted revenge for the success of Twilight. 🙂

    • She should’ve seen it from a movie-lover’s perspective, I guess. 😀 If you see something that you thought up in your mind while wearing the same pyjamas for the third day on the cinema screen, you might become a bit oblivious, though, I guess. 😀

  6. I totally cheated and nominated you for a Liebster Award, haha, only supposed to for people 200 followers or less, but you’re awesome – so check it out http://daveexaminesmovies.com/2014/04/10/liebster-award/

  7. Being that I love shitty movies I should probably just stop typing this and go buy it immediately, huh? That, or tatoo this review on my back.

    You’re probably thinking, ‘but, m…why did someone as smart (and handsome) as you like shitty movies so much?’ Because they mage for the best posts.

    Like this one.

    • Awwwwwww.

      That’s why I watched it. I’ve never reviewed a film I hated. It was so. much. fun.

      But yes, you should definitely watch it. The boo-list would be the greatest thing. 😉

  8. I was curious about this as I love Ronan but seems that it’s similar to In Time in that the concept is far better, more intriguing than the execution. Too bad as Ronan is such a great actress.

  9. I really hope Saoirse got a huge payday for this. That’s the only logical reason someone as good as her would be in this, right?

  10. It was on my worst list last year. Like Brittani, I hope Saoirse got a lot of money for that movie b/c it was awful.

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