Hiatus! (Were you surprised? I wasn’t surprised.)

Even though this has been going on for most of this year, I’ll go ahead and make it official: Films and Coke is on a hiatus indefinitely.

It’s the usual: school stuff (holy shit, the IB is not a gentle mistress, I’m sweating WWI and crying logarithms) and no time for anything. I would probably blog here and there but I don’t remember the last time I saw a film (two, three weeks ago?), all the while my TV watching has dried into bursts of Modern Family when showering.

I’d promise I’ll come back when summer vacation starts/next year starts/next year’s exams are done–but honestly, life just looks to be getting more and more hectic and I don’t want to make any more promises. And I’m feeling more and more crappy about not saying anything. Any further posting, if it happens, will be irregular; until then, I’ll be reading your blogs and enjoying the second-hand experience.

It’s been awesome, thank you all! I hope to meet you all on the other side.

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

1I’m quickly becoming a fan of naps. They are fantastic, especially if I get to climb under the warm covers in bright daylight peeking through closed blinds, turn to a dark wall and put some music on and sigh blissfully at the thought of others having lessons while I’m home having a nap. Dark rooms are for sleeping, not napping and five-minute naps are pussy naps; yet I took one today.

At some point during the third endless lightsaber battle scene of the horror film Jupiter Ascending I blacked out. Don’t worry, though — as I woke up, there were still people in the cinema. And that shit show went on for 30 more minutes.

The film probably wants to be Star Wars with an immigrant girl from Chicago but fails so fast you don’t even have time to blink. One of the most demoralising things is how explicitly and quickly it’s made clear all humans are ignorant cattle (not Kunis though, she is the queen or some shit). Films that establish how inferior the human race are are usually good at it; here, you just feel you’ve been shat on. The chick meets her destiny, a half-dog eyeliner-wearing Channing Tatum, and what follows is a painful, embarrassing attempt of an adventure where time feels to be moving in slow motion, so when meaningful I love you looks are exchanged in what seems to be 10 minutes into meeting, any hope of the film being being funny-bad turns into a-gun-to-my-head-bad. Extensive amounts of fake mythology and pretty visuals are usually not a bad thing but it’s too much and too little at the same time and everything ends up in a dull blob. So details like the breath-taking outfit the girl queen has as she saves the world become impossible to appreciate. A hundred and seventy-six million dollars was spent on this stinking pile of garbage. Think how many kids could pay off their college debts with this.

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I considered a ‘x things I hate about Jupiter Ascending’ post about the horrible Russian, the cringe-worthy stereotypes, how Mila Kunis acted worse than I ever thought possible, about the underdeveloped… everything… but mostly plot, characters, background and structure, the utter lack of chemistry between any of the characters, the atrocious writing, the terrible battle scenes, how overdramatic every scene was, the idea that using the word “gene” as many times as possible explains everything, the stupid last name of the goddamn great dynasty, and the whole film was like a mash-up of great films put together by a greatly incompetent mixer, but in the end, there are only so many synonyms for ‘horrible’ and I kind of wanted to share the nap thing. I went to see this with a friend (and the joy of spending time with her was 100% of the reason I didn’t walk out) and by the middle, we were both so horrified that we couldn’t even make fun of the film.

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I did like the ending. The jury’s still out on if maybe it came from joy of the film finally being over, but I think I also appreciated how sweet Kunis was and how pretty that rooftop was.

A quick peek into tumblr told me terrifying things: people actually liked this film. So I’ll go all out and say: no, there were no redeeming qualities for me. I though Eddie Redmayne was ridiculous, any hidden meaning gets lost in how awful it is to simply go through the film, it’s overly long and I still want to punch a wall for not reading up before and wasting any of my time or money on this shit. Don’t see it. Official recommendation.

Whiplash (2014)

1 copyWhat is up with the 2014 film trend ‘let’s make you little shits in the cinema as uncomfortable and disgusted as possible’? I adored Gone Girl, Foxcatcher, Nightcrawler and Whiplash all in depth but jesus, when did it become a prerequisite for a fantastic film to have people walk out from the film (I had literally never seen that happen at a screening of an American film before) throughout and making you feel like you’d rather crawl out of your skin than stay in yours because you will never be able to wash the filth off?

People are putting down Boyhood so often, but if I had to choose between Boyhood or any of the four other films, I’d choose the first in a heartbeat. It made me feel nice and fuzzy inside and was a fantastic watch. Begin Again was another lovely film — sure, not as much excitement, but super enjoyable, and none of the disgust.

Never in a million years would I put down JK Simmons’s powerful portrayal or the nuanced work of Miles Teller (good for him for getting better roles, by the way!) but where I would ordinarily become crazed about the cool film and the great music, I had to keep my mouth shut as I left the cinema, just not to throw up. For once, I was glad about spoilers — the utterances of ‘Whiplash is Black Swan with a male lead’ had prepared me for some of it.

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I had to think for minutes before starting this paragraph, because honestly — all I remembered from the film was the disgust. There was something else, too, though. The structure was so interesting, I couldn’t keep up with it! Right after the film, I thought that all storylines but the drumming had been rushed and incomplete, but now I am thinking that it was very clever — we got to see Andrew’s perspective, right? So we saw how little everything else meant for him. The dinner scene was as excruciating for the viewer as it was for him. So the structure, even if it made me feel like I was completely lost most of the time, actually worked well in the film’s advantage. It was exhilarating, really, to have no idea what is coming next — only thing is that it took me too long into the film to learn to let go of trying to guess, and just go with what is on screen. I still would’ve liked to have seen more beginning, though, because whatever Andrew went through, I can’t help but to wonder what was before that.

I also have to mention that Whiplash has the best trailer I have seen in ages. It is so well crafted. Feverish, spectacular — all the words work. For the film, too, probably, I just don’t have the stomach for the 2014 horror films posing as blockbusters. Oh, Whiplash was exciting alright. But at what cost?

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Me whenever thinking about Whiplash, honestly.


Personal note: I know I spend more time apologising than writing posts and coming by your blogs, but I greatly underestimated the weight of the IB, my course in school, which has me study 6-7 hours after 9-hour school days. Blogging has been out of the question. (I’m writing this review at 1.30am after having worked on my English essay and it’s Friday — well, Saturday now.) And the time that’s left I’ve spent freaking out about some pretty terrific news — can’t say much about it yet, but it’s made me smile often and randomly throughout the past few days. Things are tiring but pretty damn great.

Shameless 5×01 recap “Milk of the Gods”

My heart feels complete for the first time in nine months. I present, the best thing on TV right now and twelve of the most emotional recaps, all the way to 5×12, exclusively on Films & Coke.1 This post has nothing Shameless doesn’t, spoilers for 5×01 and is a bit rough, but I had to publish it now or all my opinions will be replaced with others’ — I saw the episode on Friday, after all.

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