Deliver Us from Evil (2014) — “Be safe tonight.”

b7c966855848d55dc4c5a2151b5e008fThere is a very good reason why I don’t watch horror films. It’s ridiculously easy to scare me. So, naturally, two of my friends bribed me with Coke and we went and saw Deliver Us from Evil. First things first, it wasn’t that scary! I only spent maybe 1/5 of the film backwards or hiding my face into my friends’ shoulders1, that was nothing. Honestly, the plot was actually kind of fascinating.

I was astonished at how well this film was made from a technical aspect. The two other modern horror films I’ve seen2 had production values so much shittier. It was really nice. There was a surprisingly big amount of content there. Eric Bana was great, but Édgar Ramírez and especially Sean Harris stole the show for me. Again, I didn’t expect such subtle acting from a film called Deliver Us from Evil.

Edgar Ramirez

The whole demonic possession thing is familiar to me from the many hours of watching Supernatural. I like it. The whole third act revolved around exorcism and hadn’t I been such a big fan of SPN, I would’ve hated the religious chanting and blatant preaching. Now, I watched with interest. So the problem wasn’t the preaching, it was the fact that the whole third act was unbearably random and weird as a result. I expected for it to turn into a real horror film by then, but nope, nothing scary. 

Honestly, that turned out to be the weakest link of the film. I can’t believe it’s me saying that, but that film could’ve used a few more scares, more original ones at that. A bloody face popping on your screen… you scream, you throw up in your mouth a bit, but afterwards, it’s still a disappointment.

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1 and cried a bit.
2 man, I feel qualified reviewing a horror film.

Watching: TMNT, Les infidèles, We’re the Millers, Fugitive Pieces

My posting has become so irregular that I figured I’d just put down some thoughts, so that this blog wouldn’t be neglected completely. I think I’m establishing summer hiatus for the coming years, because it’s hopeless. I watch shitty films and have fun in the summer. Thinking is out of the equation.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLEStmnt

I heard how this film was, but I’ve never seen or read anything from this franchise (and Noel Fisher’s there), so when we went to the cinema with some fellow volunteer friends, I kept shoving them: “Guys, let’s go see TMNT. C’mon, it’s teenage mutant ninja turtles. It will be fun!” It was kind of fun, but nothing like I expected. There was too little of everything and I finally understood what on earth does being a Michael Bay film mean.

There were a few highlights, though: Mikey’s (conveniently, Noel was the awesomest turtle) innuendos were hilarious and that 99 cheese pizza? Yeah, that’s happening. We got pizza later. My friends were disappointed by the lack of the missing cheesy end kiss, but I just couldn’t get that pizza off my mind.

THE PLAYERS (Les infidèles)lesi

Saw this very randomly with a friend of mine when looking through what films were available to rent. It got way too sad and depressing for a comedy, but was funny too. The film consists of multiple sketches about cheating French men. The shortest one was beyond hilarious! Dujardin did great here.

WE’RE THE MILLERSmill

With the aforementioned friend on the next morning. She wanted to show me the origin of NO RAGRETS. I honestly didn’t expect for this to be so funny, but it was a lazy morning and it was really good to laugh at stupid things. The best part of the film was after credits, though, in the bloopers, where the rest of the cast puts Friends theme on and Aniston squirmed. The weed baby thing was funnier than it had right to be, too. This experience taught me that seemingly bad comedies are nothing to be afraid of, too. And Nick Offerman is a hero.

FUGITIVE PIECESfupi

Best film of those four by far. Sati is right to praise Stephen Dillane, he really is wonderful. Nina Dobrev left an impression, too, I wish she was in more films, because she is ridiculously talented and her brief appearances were enough to make me wonder about her throughout the whole film, and a good bit after that. Fugitive Pieces is a very honest, very brutal look to how war damages. It’s not a war film, but conveys the terror just as much as long battle scenes, maybe even stronger. Greece looks absolutely stunning, transforming from sad and melancholy to beautiful and alive. It’s a gem that I would recommend to anyone looking for something profound to experience.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) — “No one talks to my friends like that.”

Ooga chaka, ooga ooga ooga chaka, Rocket is the coolest racoon ever!

I didn’t really know what to expect from Marvel’s latest. I don’t read comics, so all I know about Marvel is from all the Avengers, whom I really and truly love.1

What those films really won me over with, was the humor. Guardians takes it to a whole new level, though — I’ve never heard the theatre laugh so loud, and so much. Halfway through the scene where all the Guardians meet, I leaned over and told my friend, “this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”2 I guess that this threw some3 people off, but I had so much fun with it that I don’t even mind. It was actually kind of cool, to have a film that is all kinds of epic but has unconventionally many laughs.

Another great thing are the characters. Rocket is in a whole league of his own, but his relationship with Groot and the rest of the world is wonderful; Zoe Saldana lands one of the greatest female superhero roles there are, which I’m eternally thankful for, and Drax has unexpected depth to him. Star-Lord is a talking and walking cliché, but he’s a lot of fun and doesn’t cross any borders. His playlist is awesome, by the way!

Guardians hits and misses with two things for me — gets a bit too messy and hard to follow, which is easily solved by just accepting that there is a whole loud background noise going on; but harder to ignore is that at times, it becomes enormously cheesy and sappy, and it’s not fun to watch. Long, emotional speeches and stories of past? Get out. Not interested.4 It distracts, but in the end, the time spent laughing tops that, and that’s what I will remember from this film. And the characters.

Rocket wins, though.

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1 I used to think Iron Man is really hot and the PTSD made him even more admirable. You want mature opinions, you come to this blog, right?
2 Alright, I was exaggerating, but only a bit. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen ever since the Lemmons scene in The Wolf of Wall Street. I almost pissed my pants — had this scene come in half a coke cup later, I would’ve done it for real.
3 weak
4 But damn, how sweet was “We are Groot”? Almost made it worth the sap.

Six Degrees of Separation Blogathon

My nephews with whom I hang out at summer vacations every year (besides this one, because they’ve grown up and apparently want to work) used to watch MTV a lot. I sat there, too. I could survive it all.

Until one dreadful night.

They had discovered Jersey Shore. I don’t like reality TV, but that was something different. Something much, much more horrifying. And that wasn’t the end. Next summer, they were watching Geordie Shore. I had forgotten about the horrors imposed on me. All that came running back to me when m.brown of the ever-cool Two Dollar Cinema passed me the baton on  the Six Degrees of Separation Blogathon. Connect Shirley Temple with Pauly Shore.

One could understand my mistake, right? It was like a bad dream. Until, a few nights ago, I looked up that new version of Jersey Shore. Well, turns out, Pauly Shore is an actor who’s been in many films that m.brown has probably seen. My bad. (I think he might be his favourite actor, too.)

Well, here goes, my contribution to Nostra’s awesome relay:

  • Shirley Temple and Michael Sheen were both in Shooting the Hollywood Stars.
  • Michael Sheen was in Frost/Nixon with Sam Rockwell.
  • Sam Rockwell was in Seven Psychopaths with Christopher Walken.
  • Christopher Walken was in At Close Range with Chris Penn.
  • Chris Penn and the magnificent Pauly Shore were both in Pauly Shore Is Dead!

Wasn’t this fun? Sure hope the lovely Sofia at Film Flare will find this challenge as much fun (and maybe a bit less confusing) than I did! Sofia will show you how Pauly Shore and the beautiful Elle Fanning are connected.

And again, my apologies to anyone who consider mr. Shore an idol. (I think there is one person. And he’s reading this blog. Maybe two?) I almost put a halo on him.